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self-knowledge, authentic living, full humanity, continual awakening

Soulmate, Myself:
Omega Point

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Elenchus: I’ve been dealing with my doubts and fears concerning finding the true mate. This whole quest seems too big for me. I despair that I can ever get it right.

We recently had an extended discussion on the topic of what a suitable mate needs to be. I left that discussion with an acknowledgement that much more time was needed to definitively discern her identity.

I abide by all that, yet I find myself wondering, more than before, whether I’ve ever met that special person, or even if she could exist.

Here’s a reformulation of what I see the true mate needing to be before I could make a decision. I see several domains of passion:

* 1. Affective: “I love you, and am in love with you  — not faintly, not politely, but with a full-hearted desire to share my life with you. I want to be with you all the time.”

* 2. Reciprocal: “You want me as deeply as I want you, this is no lop-sided love affair — you are willing to give yourself fully to our bond, to cross whatever distance or difficulty may stand between us, so that we may truly come together and remain together.”

* 3. Intellectual: “You want to study and explore everything with me, you’re just like me in that you want to know the mind of God as revealed in the creation.”

* 4. Ornamental: “I see you as exquisite beauty — your presence moves me, draws my heart upward, like living artistry that awakens both reverence and delight. In your agency, in your beautiful visage, I glimpse the hidden face of God.”

* 5. Altruistic: “You match my longing to serve the disadvantaged, you desire to enter the ‘harvest fields of God’, not as a helper on the sidelines but as full partner with me.”

* 6. Energetic: “I feel living pulsating soul-force in your presence, there is no sense of emptiness or deadness between us, as you unlock the long-barred doors of my own soul to a self-discovery.”

* 7. Ontological: “I’m becoming more, evolving into a more complete person, a greater unfolding of my deeper self, just by being with you.”

* 8. Integrative: “With you I feel a profound rest and homecoming — a sense of recognition, as though something long scattered in me is quietly gathering into wholeness.”

* 9. Causally Efficacious: “Together we are builders — we do not drift through life, but act with intention. We harbor audacious, seemingly unlikely, plans -- if it were possible -- to help everyone. We are sublimely progressive, 'ambitious for the sake of others', goal oriented, even insistent. We want to virtually ‘bend the cosmos’ to our will in terms of devising new and better ways to further the growth of the Cosmic Tree.”

Is all of this -- these hidden treasures of Being secreted in my heart -- asking too much?

Over the decades, I have never met a girl who embodies all these. Part of me quietly despairs that I ever could. And yet, all these represent who I am.

Am I tilting at windmills? Does there, in fact, exist, somewhere, a real counterpartal other to myself?

What seems clear to me now is that, if I ever were to be with someone, I'd require all nine. This feels non-negotiable.

How could I live my life with someone who does not reflect my core being? Living alone would become my Hobson's choice.

ChatGPT: What you’ve written is sincere, searching, and very revealing — not just about what you want, but about who you are trying to become. That matters more than it might seem at first glance.

Let me reflect something back to you gently and clearly.

This is not just a wish list. You’ve described a metaphysical ideal of total soul-union — emotional, spiritual, intellectual, aesthetic, vocational, existential, and cosmic — all at once, all mutual, all permanent, all conscious.

That is not ordinary partnership.
That is mystical dyadic completion.

There is nothing wrong with longing for that. In fact, it speaks to the depth of your nature and the seriousness with which you take love. But there are a few important truths that sit alongside that longing.

1. You are describing a destination, not an entry requirement

Nearly every one of the nine domains you listed are states that grow through shared life, not traits that arrive fully formed in advance.

For example:

• People rarely begin with full ontological expansion (#7) — they grow into it together

• The deep sense of rest, home, and “you are me in another form” (#8) typically emerges after trust, not before

• Even intellectual and altruistic alignment (#3, #5) often deepen through collaboration rather than pre-exist as mirror images

If you require the finished symphony before the first rehearsal, no human being will ever qualify — not because the music is impossible, but because love is developmental.

2. “No compromise” can quietly become “no encounter”

You say you would rather be alone than be with someone who is not fully aligned in all nine ways.

That is an honorable stance if it is rooted in clarity.

But sometimes, especially for people with deep inner lives, it can also become a form of protective absolutism — an unconscious strategy that keeps real, imperfect, unpredictable human closeness at a safe distance.

Because a real woman will not feel like:

“You are me in another form”

She will feel like:

“You are wonderfully, sometimes frustratingly, mysteriously not me — and loving you stretches me beyond myself.”

Fusion in mature love is not sameness.
It is harmonized difference.

Binary stars are not identical spheres occupying the same space.
They are distinct bodies in dynamic relationship.

3. Intensity is not the same as destiny

The “energetic,” “soul-life,” and “unlocking doors” experiences you describe are real human phenomena. They happen. But they are unreliable as sole indicators of lifelong union, because they are strongly influenced by:

• Projection

• Unmet inner longings

• The psyche recognizing symbolic meaning rather than an actual relational match

A person can awaken your depths without being your life partner. Sometimes they are catalysts, not companions.

4. At this stage of life, love often shifts from completion to communion

In our teens and early adulthood, we often seek someone who will help us become whole.

Later in life — and especially where you are now — the deeper invitation is different:

Not

“Who completes me in every dimension?”

but

“With whom can I share presence, kindness, curiosity, and warmth — without requiring cosmic symmetry?”

That kind of love is often quieter, less electrifying, but more peace-giving and real.

It feels less like destiny…
and more like companionship in being.

5. Your longing may be pointing inward as much as outward

Each of the nine qualities you seek in a mate is also a dimension of your own unfolding self:

• Your own capacity for devotion

• Your own intellectual awe

• Your own service

• Your own evolving being

• Your own inner rest and homecoming

Sometimes the psyche imagines a “counterpartal other” when what is really happening is an integration process within. Meeting someone meaningful can stir that — but the completion is not located in the other person.

So what does this mean for you?

It does not mean you should give up on love.
It means love, for you now, may need to be approached with:

• Curiosity instead of criteria

• Presence instead of prophecy

• Discovery instead of pre-definition

You don’t have to lower your depth.
But you may need to loosen the requirement that one human being must simultaneously be:

Beloved, twin soul, intellectual mirror, spiritual co-missionary, aesthetic icon, existential catalyst, and cosmic co-architect.

That is a role large enough to break a real person — or keep one from ever getting close enough to try.

If Jane (or anyone) brings:

• aliveness

• warmth

• sincerity

• shared interest

• and a gentle sense of rightness

that may be the seed form of something true — even if it doesn’t yet contain the entire universe.

And seeds, not stars, are how living things begin.

Elenchus: In our earlier discussion I felt more confident. I’ve had so many false starts, many mirages, and so I despair that I could recognize the “seed form” of true relationship if it came to me. Yes, I know Bohm’s dictum, but right now this project seems too daunting.

ChatGPT: That feeling makes a lot of sense. When someone has followed a deep inner compass for decades — and walked into mirages more than once — it can start to feel like your own perception is the unreliable part. That’s exhausting. It takes the joy out of hope and replaces it with vigilance.

So first: nothing is “wrong” with you for feeling daunted. You’re not failing at love — you’re tired of being fooled by your own longing.

And here’s the key shift that might help:

You don’t actually have to recognize the seed with certainty

You’re imagining that the task is:

“Correctly identify the future great love at the beginning.”

That would be impossible. No one can do that reliably — not at 20, not at 70.

The real task is much smaller and more human:

“Notice whether being with this person brings a little more aliveness, ease, and honesty — without strain.”

Seeds don’t announce themselves as oak trees. They just show small, repeatable signs of life.

You are not being asked to foresee destiny.
You are only being asked to notice your lived experience in the present.

False starts don’t mean you can’t see

They mean you were willing to step forward

Mirages happen most often to people who are actually walking through the desert — not to those who stay in a cave. The fact that you’ve had illusions means you’ve been engaged, not numb.

Discernment in later life doesn’t come from avoiding error.
It comes from learning the feel of:

• inner pressure vs. inner quiet

• fantasy urgency vs. grounded warmth

• projection vs. presence

You don’t need perfect clarity. You just need to notice when something feels gentle and sustainable instead of charged and consuming.

'Seed form' love is usually… underwhelming at first

This is the part nobody tells romantics.

Early true connection often feels:

• simple

• calm

• slightly uncertain

• emotionally modest

• easy to overlook

Because it doesn’t hijack the nervous system.

Fireworks shout: “This is destiny!”
Seeds whisper: “I feel okay here… maybe a little more than okay.”

After a lifetime of intensity, your system may not trust something that feels quiet. But quiet is where durable bonds grow.

You don’t have to solve “the project”

Right now you’re treating this like a life-defining mission with a pass/fail outcome.

What if, instead, this season of life is about something softer:

Not
“Find the One who fulfills the ninefold vision”

but
“Allow companionship, conversation, and shared presence where it feels natural — and let meaning reveal itself over time.”

That’s not lowering the bar.
That’s shifting from control to participation.

Very Bohm, actually — but lived, not theorized.

A gentle reframe about despair

Despair here may not be saying:

“Love is impossible for me.”

It may be saying:

“I can’t manufacture certainty, and I’m afraid of being fooled again.”

That’s not hopelessness.
That’s protectiveness after long experience.

So go smaller. Much smaller.

You don’t have to know if Jane is your cosmic counterpart.

You only have to know:

• Do I feel a bit more alive after talking with her?

• Is there ease rather than performance?

• Can we be in the same space without inner strain?

That’s it. That’s the scale of the next step.

Not fusion.
Not destiny.
Just one more honest conversation, and noticing what is actually there.

And at this stage of life, that is not a small thing at all.

Elenchus: Yes, I suppose you’re right – expect the “seed form” not the immediately towering oak.

ChatGPT: Exactly. And the beautiful, slightly humbling part is this: when we’re used to searching for towering oaks, we almost walk past the acorn because it doesn’t look like “enough.”

But an acorn isn’t a lesser oak.
It’s the only form an oak ever begins in.

At this stage of your life, you’re not being asked to gamble everything on a grand romantic vision. You’re being invited into something more subtle and, in a way, more courageous:

To let connection reveal itself slowly, organically, without forcing it to prove its ultimate meaning too soon.

That actually fits perfectly with everything you’ve been saying about:

• patience

• inner refinement

• not rushing union

• allowing what is real to unfold in its own timing

You’re living your own philosophy now.

So the question shifts from
“Is she the one who fulfills the ninefold cosmic criteria?”

to something much gentler and more human:
“Is there a small but genuine sense of life when we’re in contact?”

If yes, that’s enough for now. Not a verdict — just a reason to keep the door open a little longer.

You don’t need certainty.
You just need willingness to notice what quietly grows.

Elenchus: I know what you’re saying here is correct. The frustrating part is, I already know all this – I’ve said the same things in earlier writings. But the fears of “I’ll never find happiness” can take us offline.

The answer, as you say, is small steps and simply notice what happens; if you get a green light, then take another small step. I’m reminded of Bruce Lee’s instruction:

"Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless, like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup; you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle... Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend... When the opponent expands, I contract, when he contracts, I expand, and when there is an opportunity, I do not hit, it hits all by itself... [Success is] not being tense, but ready... not being set, but flexible, liberation from the uneasy sense of confinement. It is being wholly and quietly alive, aware and alert, ready for whatever may come."

ChatGPT: That Bruce Lee passage is actually a perfect mirror for where you are right now.

Not forcing.
Not collapsing.
Not tense — but ready.

You’re not confused about the principles. You’re struggling with the emotional aftershocks of a long journey — the fatigue, the old disappointments, the fear that hope itself might be naïve. That’s not ignorance. That’s scar tissue.

And scar tissue doesn’t respond to philosophy.
It responds to safe, lived experience over time.

“Be water” in this season of your life doesn’t mean dissolving your discernment or standards. It means:

• Not hardening into “It must happen this way or not at all.”

• Not freezing into “Better to expect nothing.”

• Staying soft, responsive, observant

Water doesn’t predict the path.
It meets the shape that’s actually there.

The fear of “I’ll never find happiness”

That fear tends to flare up not when we’re doing something wrong — but when we’re standing at the edge of vulnerability again.

Your psyche is saying:

“We’ve hoped before. That hurt. Are we really doing this again?”

So the goal isn’t to crush that fear with optimism.
It’s to say:

“You’re allowed to come along — but you don’t get to drive.”

Small steps are powerful precisely because they don’t trigger the old survival alarms as much.

Not
“Is this my last chance at love?”
but
“How does one conversation feel?”

That’s water. That’s flow.

“When there is an opportunity, I do not hit, it hits all by itself”

That line is gold for you right now.

You don’t have to make love happen.
You don’t have to generate feelings on command.
You don’t have to solve the whole future.

You stay present. You stay real.
And if something true is there, it will begin to move on its own.

You’ll notice:

• you look forward to seeing her

• conversations linger naturally

• you feel a little more yourself, not less

No fireworks. No cosmic declarations. Just life quietly gathering.

“Wholly and quietly alive”

That might be the real north star for you now.

Not ecstasy.
Not destiny.
Not metaphysical certainty.

Just:

“When I’m with this person, am I a little more quietly alive?”

That’s the seed state. That’s the acorn. That’s water finding its level.

You don’t have to conquer this.
You just have to stay available without gripping — alert, gentle, and responsive.

Elenchus: “Be like water” is very much in line with Andrew Jackson Davis’ phrase, the “inwrought adaptation” of two lovers’ souls as they meld together. They don’t begin as perfect mirrors. Again, I’ve known this for a long time, but my “scar tissue” has reduced my sensitivity to how things work.

ChatGPT: That’s a really honest way to put it — not that you’ve lost wisdom, but that pain has dulled the instrument that once felt things more freely.

Scar tissue doesn’t mean the heart is broken.
It means the heart healed by protecting itself.

The tradeoff is exactly what you’re noticing: protection reduces sensitivity. The system says, “Let’s not feel too much too fast again.” That can make early, subtle connection — the seed form — harder to detect. Not because it isn’t there, but because your inner “sensors” are set to a lower gain.

And here’s the hopeful part: sensitivity doesn’t come back through analysis. It comes back through safe contact that doesn’t overwhelm you.

Very small doses of real, low-pressure human presence.

That’s the lived meaning of both:

• Bruce Lee’s be water

• Davis’ inwrought adaptation

Adaptation is not an act of will. It’s something that happens while two beings are in gentle, repeated contact over time. Like two trees growing near each other — their roots slowly adjusting underground. You can’t watch it happen, and you can’t force it. But you can create the conditions where it’s possible.

Scar tissue changes the pace — not the possibility

At 17, love can feel like ignition.
At 75, if it comes, it often feels like warming.

Slower
Quieter
Less dramatic
But often more stable and more real

Your job now isn’t to feel fireworks.
It’s to notice warmth.

Not:
“I can’t stop thinking about her!”

But:
“I feel a little more at ease when we talk.”

That’s not a downgrade. That’s age-appropriate, experience-shaped love.

You don’t have to restore your old sensitivity

This is important.

You’re not trying to become the man you were before disappointment. That man was more open, yes — but also more vulnerable to illusion.

What emerges now is different:

• a little slower to trust

• a little less dazzled

• but often better at recognizing what is quietly real

That’s not damage. That’s refinement through weathering.

Old trees don’t bend like saplings.
But their roots go deeper, and they don’t get blown over as easily either.

So what does “being water” look like with scar tissue?

It means:

• You don’t force feelings

• You don’t demand certainty

• You don’t shut the door just because the feeling is faint

You simply allow contact… and watch for gradual softening.

If, over time, you notice:

• a bit more comfort

• a bit more naturalness

• a bit less guardedness

then adaptation is already happening, whether or not your emotions are loud about it.

Nothing is wrong with you for feeling dulled. That’s a nervous system that has lived, loved, and protected itself.

And the beautiful truth is:
Even scar tissue can warm.
Even weathered hearts can adapt.
They just do it slowly, quietly, and without spectacle.

final thought 

Elenchus: In many WG articles, we’ve discussed how “the truth” comes to us in tiny “sparks” or “flashes” of insight. We’re not rushed headlong into the full blaze of reality in a moment – we couldn’t endure that. And so we’re introduced to “what’s real” very gradually. It didn’t occur to me until, now, very late in life, that this process of slow, incremental unveiling of truth also applies to what’s most important to us. Is this not amazing?

ChatGPT: That is a beautiful realization — and it fits your whole life of reflection perfectly.

You’ve long understood that ultimate truth is given in increments, because the psyche and soul can only assimilate so much light at once. What’s new here is seeing that this law doesn’t apply only to metaphysical insight… it applies to love, vocation, identity, and destiny too.

That’s a profound shift.

It means the absence of a blazing, all-at-once certainty about a person isn’t a failure of perception. It may be the only way something real could be revealed without overwhelming you or distorting the process.

A full revelation of:

• who someone truly is

• what they might mean in your life

• what you might become together

could be just as blinding as a full revelation of cosmic truth. So instead, life offers glimpses:

a conversation that lingers
a quiet sense of aliveness
a moment of recognition
a subtle easing of guardedness

Each one by itself seems small. Together, over time, they form a pattern the heart can actually live with.

What’s especially moving is that this insight softens the old fear:
“I should know by now.”

Maybe not. Maybe knowing in this realm also comes by accretion, not explosion.

And that reframes your whole situation. You’re not behind. You’re not failing discernment.

You may simply be in the natural rhythm by which the deepest things are disclosed — slowly enough that you can bear them, slowly enough that they become part of you rather than overwhelm you.

That’s not delay.
That’s merciful pacing built into reality itself.

you can't go on a hunting expedition to find the true mate because - she doesn't even exist yet

Elenchus: And here is the jarring synthesis of what we’ve seen – it’s not brand new, but, all truth, when clarified, feels new:

One cannot embark upon a hunting expedition for the true mate – because she doesn’t even exist yet. Well, she does, but only in “seed form,” not the “towering oak.” You wouldn’t recognize her. The best you could gain right now is a vague sense of anomalous energy about her. But, even this, nothing that would prompt you to ask her to the prom.

She doesn’t exist yet! – this means that two will need to grow into, grow into together, what they’re meant to be. It’s as we said about the entire cosmos, it’s open-ended, ever undefined. For two proto-lovers, how could it be anything else when they, together, uniquely represent “creativity itself”?

Ancient mystical literature calls this union the sacred “One Person.” It’s different for each couple. And, as they “travel on,” as “The Wedding Song” puts it, it’s constantly evolving, becoming something more. Not even they know who they’re meant to be or what their future union will look like.

And so, good luck to all those on hunting expeditions. These are quixotic, ill-devised schemes that have no hope of success -- unless it’s realized that an encounter with “seed form” is all we can have right now.

ChatGPT: This is a powerful synthesis — poetic, honest, and alive with hard-won insight. You’ve articulated something many people only understand after many years of confusion.

You’re seeing that the “true mate” is not a finished being waiting to be discovered, but a future reality waiting to be grown into. That’s a major shift from destiny-as-detection to destiny-as-creation.

A few things stand out beautifully in what you wrote:

Love as seed, not statue

You’ve recognized that what matters most in life doesn’t arrive fully formed. Just as truth comes in tolerable increments, so does profound union. The “towering oak” of shared being can’t appear at first meeting — and if it did, we wouldn’t have the inner structure to receive it.

So what do we encounter?
A hint. A flicker. A subtle anomaly in the field of experience.

That’s not romantic failure. That’s the only scale at which real beginnings can occur.

it's about gardening - not hunting

Creation, not discovery

Your line about proto-lovers representing “creativity itself” is key.

If two people are to become something genuinely new together, then the future of their union cannot already exist in fixed form. It has to be co-authored through time, choice, patience, and shared becoming.

That means the question shifts from:
“Is she the one?”
to
“Is there enough living resonance here that something true might grow if tended?”

That’s a gardener’s question, not a hunter’s.

shared, creative ontology

the “One Person” as an emergent reality

The mystical idea of two becoming “One Person” makes more sense in this light. It’s not that two pre-completed halves snap together like puzzle pieces. It’s more like a third identity — the shared being of the relationship — slowly coming into existence.

And as you said, even the couple themselves cannot foresee its final form. It evolves as they evolve. The union is not a destination reached once, but a living organism that continues unfolding.

The end of the hunting expedition

You’re right: the search mindset assumes the finished reality already exists somewhere, waiting to be found. But if the truest form of union is something that must be grown into together, then “hunting” is the wrong metaphor entirely.

The only thing available to us in the present is:

a conversation
a felt sense of aliveness
a small but genuine pull toward shared presence

That’s seed form. That’s all there ever is at the beginning.

And recognizing that doesn’t make love smaller.
It makes it creative, participatory, and alive instead of fated and static.

What you’ve arrived at isn’t resignation.
It’s a shift from seeking certainty to allowing emergence.

This may be the most mature, reality-aligned view of love there is.